Some Things Foodies Should Stop Doing To Non-Foodies.

I’ve written once before how you could recognise if you are a foodie. I’ve had no disputes on the matter.  Conversely, a proud bunch are the foodies.  Never shying away from proclaiming that they are one.  A staunch tummy rubbing sort they.  Most of them are constantly flexing out their well-stocked bellies to prove their pride as if mild obesity is a trophy for balance between culinary indulgence and restraint.  However, they don’t seem to be very emphatic or understanding of us non-foodies.  It’s almost as if we are of lesser mortals, plebeians in the shadow of their highly refined palates, subservient to the foodie masters.  Nonetheless, these are just some of the things I wish they would stop doing with or to us non-foodies:

  1. Stop driving us indeterminate distances in search for the perfect dish, ingredient or meal, and insisting it’s an adventure.
  2. Stop trying to make it okay to sit through well-anticipated traffic jams just for some highly favoured dish at the end of it.  And insisting that that too is an adventure.
  3. Stop sending us out on food errands that insist upon overly detailed specifications for fixing, portions, ingredients, additions and omissions.
  4. Stop turning to us to share their fuss when ordering out of the menu or attempting to reinvent it, and the outcome doesn’t match expectations.
  5. Stop volunteering joint intrapersonal promises to every newly opened eatery that we shall soon be their patrons.
  6. Stop picking indiscriminately on our choices in restaurants in order to publish them on social media for consensus by other foodies in absentia.
  7. Stop sulking or play the victim just because we cannot share or contribute to the high accolades for their favourite dishes due to a diverse and varied idiosyncratic biochemical make-up.
  8. Stop dismissing our attempts at reason when trying to look for rumoured restaurants by hunger instincts or sense of smell.
  9. Stop making vacations to be about dishes to dine rather than sights to see or places to be.
  10. Stop making up words to describe food experiences beyond the 3 food categories that a non-foodie only concern themselves with – Yuck! Yummy! Yes-Oh-yes!.
  11. Stop insisting on the delusion that foodies can tell which is the better dish on cooking reality shows when there is absolutely no way that either one of us can actually taste them.
  12. Stop insisting that food shows, food channels and food pictorials make for better porn.

How I Met My Mother

I met my mother last Sunday. After having been ostracized after 4 years for reasons she would most likely have a hazy and varied recollection of, if at all, I met up with her again at a family wedding. Word was delivered through a Caucasian relative that she wanted to see me at the end of the proceedings. After having established that it was at her own personal behest, I got to her fuss free only hesitating to part the stream of departing guests. When I got to her, all I could do was hug her and kiss her and just hold on to her hand while just gazing at her without bothering to think of words to say. Even if there were any words said, it wouldn’t have registered for as long as I was in the shade of her countenance. If there was any dialogue it was with our smiles. But as we parted we acknowledged my dad’s absence from the proceedings. She requested that I see him. All I had in reply was a smile. And a nod.